"More Naughty! More Naughty!": Humorous tales of life with a 2 yr old

The vast majority of advertising is lost on me.  If I had not lived in Southern California for a time, where unfortunately news about "stars" IS the news, I would hardly know a "famous" name and am always clueless when it comes to what movies are playing.  I generally defer all pop culture and TV reminiscing conversations to my husband.  For the first time this year we will stay home for Christmas and family will come to us.  In our enthusiasm to plan our time together, we have been talking about possibly going to a play.  Perhaps this is why I even noticed the ad on the side of my web browser.  Momentarily distracted from the task at hand, I thought the ad might possibly be of interest.  As I clicked on it, I quickly noticed this was not at all what I thought it was.  It was a trailer for the new movie "Brothers."  It was very violent with lots of shouting.  Still left in the dismay and surprise of seeing something very different than what I expected, I suddenly realized my two year old was watching.  His eyes were glued to the screen and it had captivated his attention!  Samuel has seen very very little TV.  We have tried very hard to shelter him from inappropriate content and have opted for no TV with only recently very few "special" times for educational programs or movies.  In a panic at realizing the inappropriateness of what he has just seen, the first thing out of my mouth was, "NAUGHTY...  that was very naughty!"  As I closed the computer and regained rationality I began to talk with him about what he saw, saying "those people weren't being very nice to each other were they?"... continuing to talk about talking nicely to each other, not hurting other people, etc., as I began to redirect his attention to start playing with some of his toys.  As soon as I got him situated and returned to the computer to resume my task, he stopped what he was doing, came over and said to me with a smile on his face, "more naughty."  Pointing to the computer screen he continued to demand, "I wanna see MORE naughty."  Once again shocked, my only response was to chuckle in disbelief and reinforce that "no" we didn't need to see more of that, neither of us.... 

Laughing about it to myself later after he was in bed, I relayed the story to my husband, adding the comical comments of what others will think when he undoubtedly will mimic to them that he wants to see "more naughty on the computer"...  We both had a good laugh about it as Samuel loves to tell everyone everything.  Sure enough, the next day Samuel came up to me working on the computer and once again asked to see "more of the naughty"....

Life with a two year old is full of laughter and joy, but also lots of truth and honesty.  My devotions for this morning directed me to Romans 8 and I was struck by verses 4-5, noting how much we do truly naturally want "the naughty."

We have greatly enjoyed leading a new members class recently with a diverse group of people.   One person, born Jewish, will receive adult baptism and another will bring her infant for baptism as they make their confessions and join the church.  Another grew up as a pastor's kid in another tradition.  The conversations have been delightful, often going over our allotted time, and all over the map topically.  As we discussed the standards, there was much discussion about being born sinful.  For the young mother and I, it was easy to relate that no matter how much we adore our children, they are naturally selfish.  Children, of course, are not alone... they are just more honest! 

Riding the rollercoaster

I started my previous blog by saying "tonight was the night," but actually it was quite a DAY.

The General Synod will be meeting next year after all, the Belhar confession was approved and commended to classes.  The denomination was told to address First Nations/Native American relationships, further dialogue concerning homosexuality was commended, worship was affirmed, provisions were made for a worship task force, a survey concerning baptism, studies were commended to us concerning baptism, and a baptism task force was created. 

We also commemorated John Calvin's 500th Anniversary with "Jean" himself.  Dr. Bruggink was celebrated for his work on the RCA historical series and a new book was released in his honor. 

These are just the few things I remember...  Busy day! 

In the midst of all of this business, there seemed to be a very positive spirit among the delegation by the end of the day.  The morning was very intense...  Once we moved through that it was as though the heart lightened and by the end of the evening it seemed as though we were all smiling... it could have just been me (and for good reason!), but it seemed as though the rest of synod smiled too.

As you read the difficult stories online, remember the relationships that are being built and know that the tone of laughter at times rings out.  People are becoming closer friends and developing new friendships... people are sharing from their hearts.  We sing, we read scriptures, we pray, we are united as a body experiencing this together.

Remember the things that we blog about are often the things that bothered us the most or about which we are most passionate.... there are tons and tons of areas of celebration and praise that we are also celebrating.  This helps those of us who are present to put some things in contexts and I simply say it to simply note this dimension of the experience for those who are not present.  The essence of a synod is more than we can share with you through our blogs, next year you will have to join in :). 

A Voice for Women

Tonight was the night!  After I gave the following address in regards to the Advisory Committee for Women's Ministries, I received several others sharing their stories.  One man told me about his spouse,  who is an example of what I was talking about.  As a pastor she left the RCA and serves in the UCC, where she is the senior pastor of a very large multi-staff church and is affirmed by the UCC as an exceptional leader.  Sounds like we missed out on quite a bit... 

Here is my full address:

When I was first asked to be a moderator, I agreed without hesitation. When I was given my advisory committee assignment, I protested, "Isn't there another one you'd rather have me moderate?"

Yes, I am an ordained Minister of Word and Sacrament and I am a woman. So, "Why?", you ask would I protest.... because it is a matter that is too near and too dear to my heart and it brings with it a certain amount of pain, frustration, and exasperation.

I am extremely fortunate that I currently serve in a congregation that has allowed me to fully utilize my giftedness and flourish in leadership with them as well as in other community and regional roles. Many other women are not as fortunate. My story before arriving in my current location, however, is one that reflects the experience of the majority of other female ministers and includes exclusion, discrimination, devaluing, dismissal, and rejection based on gender. While many women feel that this is happening, but cannot prove it, I am in the unique position to be able to prove it. My husband and I are both pastors. In gifting and skill sets, we are examples of opposites attracting. We were very candid with our gifts and passions on our profiles. During our long search process, Mike had many churches that were talking to him while none were talking to me. In more than one interview, as he reviewed church profiles of what they said they were looking for and had conversations with them, he expressed that he was not who they wanted and asked with frustration, "why aren't you talking to my wife?" The answer became obvious by their responses.

Likewise, one of the churches that lured us to an onsite visit with promises that they were willing to "work with both of us" showed us exactly what they meant by that when they drove us around the neighborhood, stopping at the local nursing home, exclaiming directly to me that "they were always looking for nurse's aides".... a noble title which was given slight mention on my resume, before my B.S. in Biochemistry and involvement with Chemistry research, before I was a Manager, before I was a Director, I was a chaplain... before I became a pastor.

I am here to tell you that I know personally good, qualified, RCA women who have not been able to find a call in RCA churches. One woman I know has gone through the search process three times only to land in other denominations each time because of lack of a call from the denomination she loves and longs to serve. Many women are on the brink of leaving the denomination. The ELCA, UCC, PC(USA) and para-church organizations benefit from the RCA's failure to RCA women. I am not talking about Formula Of Agreement sharing, I am talking about leaving.

But the story is much broader than solely Ministers of Word and Sacrament. I am a child of two churches that did not ordain women to the offices of elder nor deacon.

Regardless of your views of women's ordination to an office, it is abundantly clear that women are represented in gross disproportion in our assemblies (l0% this year at general synod while 67% of the membership in our churches). We have read (commission report) and have heard the numbers and statistics (see the Commissions for Women's report). We do not have a lack of gifted, qualified women eager for service; we have a lack of avenues for full inclusion.

This past year has been a very difficult one for women in the RCA that has evoked great emotion. "It is happening AGAIN," I have heard exclaimed repeatedly, sometimes through tears. "We are losing our voice." We are no longer "at the table."

The intention that the Office of Women coordinator be a self-funded position when it was created in 2000 was so that it could not be cut, however, this logic has ironically led us to the sad predicament we are in today. Nevertheless, we are now presented with an opportunity to make it right.

Given the deep disparity in women's membership in comparison to representation in the many levels of our governance, the questions are asked, "Why should women have to pay to be at the table? Why should fundraising have to be a part of this position's already full agenda? Other similar positions do not have these strings attached to them."

We celebrate 30 years of women's ordination, yet many of us either sneer or role our eyes when it is said, "look how far we have come." Don't misunderstand me, there has been significant progress, and we are thankful for those women and men who have gone before, suffering to pave the way for where we are now; but how far have we come compared to where we need to be?

My friends, we have a long way to go. This is a matter of justice! Ensuring women have a voice is a matter of justice! Empowerment and affirmation of women is essential to the future of the RCA and if we do not do something to change our trends now we risk much, including the further loss of some of the most gifted pastors and leaders our seminaries and churches produce.

But women are hopeful, or there would be even less of us here. There is hope, or there would not have been such a strong and widespread response over this past year on behalf of women's ministries. Rev. Madeline Fuentez, the first RCA female church planter, has been working for 18 years in planting Iglesia Trinidad in Milwaukee which is a multi-cultural, multi-lingual congregation dedicated to working among the poor and in the community. I do want to be clear, however, that we are not solely talking about women in the offices of deacons, elders, and ministers. Great things are happening in local church women's ministries. In Canada, I am told, "We are just starting to really get organized, build enthusiasm, and are starting to make progress in our women's ministries with the support of the Office of Women." I was told with a plea that the General Synod "not cut us off again."

With this the Advisory Committee recommended an amendment to the proposed R-40, strengthening R-40... which asked "for General Synod Council to develop a plan for a future Office of Women that would not be charged with raising its own support, enabling the RCA to live out its stated commitment to the full inclusion of women at all levels of the church's leadership and ministry; and further to have a staff member in place by January 2010, or as soon as possible thereafter."

Reasons:

1. The RCA has regularly affirmed the need for a strong and active advocacy role for women in the church.

2. The current self-funded model has had the opposite effect of its original intention, which was to ensure the continuation of the Office for Women.

3. Fundraising would be burdensome and would take away from the important ministry responsibilities of the office.

4. The current momentum around women's ministries and the tone of many of the overtures call for immediate attention with regard to continuation of the Office for Women.

5. Full inclusion of women in the life of the RCA continues to be an issue of justice.

6. The General Synod Council has initiated a consultation process that will include wide denominational representation and give direction to the future of the Office for Women. This advisory committee affirms this consultation process with a sense of urgency.

7. This assessment increase would provide funding comparable to the current funding for each office of the RCA's racial-ethnic ministries.

Many gave voice to their own personal struggles and how this issue has touched them. A few spoke in opposition to women in office.

I am very pleased to announce with a much larger margin than anticipated and ZERO objections to the assessment increase of $1.30, amended R-40 passed!

Making wise decisions about Belhar

Today we spent the morning talking about the Belhar confession, both in the morning session of General Synod as well as in small group advisory committees.  We were off to a rocky start in our introductions when a delegate was given the floor to speak with regard to an overture suggesting Belhar be adopted as a "statement of the church's faith" and not as "confession," and then chose to speak instead about fear of relating Belhar to social activism on issues, specifically homosexuality.  I want to point out that what he said IS NOT listed as a part of the reasons for the overture.  While others spoke more to the general introduction of what a confession is, how a confession is used, the history of Belhar, and then tried to clarify some of the misunderstood statements made by the speaker to this overture, what he said confused many and riled others as we went to advisory committees.

While I have much I could say in regard to my frustration with how this all played out, I will abandon that topic in light of the larger discussion.

When I first heard that people were speaking against the Belhar because it was being related to homosexuality, I did not believe it because the logic did not make any sense to me at all.  Regardless of what you think about homosexuality, this speaks to FEAR BASED DECISION MAKING.  If the United Reformed Church of South Africa is not equating Belhar to apartheid, then how can we apply it to our "issue of the day?"  This is not how our confessions are used.  Our confessions are a faithful witness to how we have experienced God and what we have learned about God through what we have experienced.  The purpose of our confessions is not to tell us what to think about a specific issue.  But even still, do we really want to make our decision about the confession based on fear of how it might be used?  To me, the answer is a resounding NO!  Fear is the opposite of faith.  Fear is the opposite of trust in God and trust in the Holy Spirit.  Please, fellow delegates, recognize and face your fears, do not let them enter into your decision making regardless of what you decide. 

I can't tell you how many times I heard the words, "I am afraid..." today.  In our advisory committee I even named it and the whole committee agreed resoundingly that fear was a factor, with some members still feeling that "the fears were too great." 

What if portions or the whole of what we call scripture was never canonized because of fear of how it would be used and abused (and I think we can all agree this happens often)?  A confession is NOT scripture, but my point is that fear over some future misuse is NOT a valid argument against adoption.

Secondly, I heard another very surprising argument for denying the Belhar today; denominational mistrust.  Some feel strongly that "this was already a done deal," it has been shoved down our throats or that there has been some conspiracy to get Belhar to pass.  I do not see that overall.  I have seen some places where some might interpret things this way.  For example, I can't count the number of times we have heard that this is a "historic synod" and some even adding to it in regard to their pleasure to be present as we adopt or add the Belhar.  We do need to be more careful with such statements, however, this event is still historic, regardless of the outcome.  Even considering the Belhar, even considering another confession is historic. 

Once again, let me ask, is mistrust or denominational politics a basis for our decision?  Again, I plead not!  Let us set that too aside to give true consideration for the issue at hand. 

Do we see God in Belhar?  Do we feel that it gives faithful witness to a part of the character of God not otherwise described in our confessions?  Do we feel God leading us to the ideals expressed in Belhar? 

These are the questions upon which I am basing my decision. 

My answer is Yes.

Missing your own party!

What a full full day!  This morning was spent in intense discussion about Belhar in advisory committees, mine went long.   I then rushed to lunch late with some friends I haven't seen in years and then rushed back to the Advisory Committee on Women's Ministries.  Being moderator for this committee has been an interesting experience and more intense than I anticipated.  This meeting too ran long. I was afraid we were in big trouble when the first item on the agenda, purposely positioned as the one item I thought we would be able to quickly take care of took much longer than anticipated.  However, given the large agenda of business before the committee including two recommendations and seven overtures, we were able to work through the agenda diligently, giving fair voice to each item in the time we had to work with. After the meeting, as moderator, the vice moderator and I needed to prepare the report and then have it reviewed.  This was my first experience moderating a committee and preparing a report.

The irony of the committee running long, preparing the report and having it reviewed with staff is that we missed the special women's dinner as well as the first half of the celebration for the ordination of women!  The vice moderator and I are both female ministers of word and sacrament as we "missed our own celebration" because we were working on behalf of women!  I am okay with all of it and find it somewhat humorous.  I would have loved to have seen some of the videos shown and heard some of the speeches, stories, and recognitions, but it just did not work out that way.  Such is life, sometimes we end up missing our own party!